I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
