She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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