i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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