i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
