your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
