We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
