walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
