Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
