went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your cock deserves a montage
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
