omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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