Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
