You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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