"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
