tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
