New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
