it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
