why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize