we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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