How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
