I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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