I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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