Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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