did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
