so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize