Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize