i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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