I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize