I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
