On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
