I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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