Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
