if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
