Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
