oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
