What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
