At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize