Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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