Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
