don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize