i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
