i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
