my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
