The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
