he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
