Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
