If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
