it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
