It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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