"it" just moved
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
