Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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