Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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