he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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