thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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