I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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