So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
