I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
