yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
