I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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