In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
