Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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