Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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