you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
