my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
