Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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