That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
