she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
