Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize