if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
