I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
